the yellow wallpaper -- essays research papers fc

Tyer 1Drew Tyer Jennifer McCuneENGL 131224 February 2005No Work and No Play Makes Jane a Dull GirlJane in Charlotte Perkins Gilmans The yellowness Wallpaper was touched as some say long before she was prescribed, and administered the rest redress by her husband for her then unk todayn ailment now called postpartum depression. The boredom and isolation of this cure only allowed her mind to venture farther down a dark and winding corridor of insanity. Jane has recently had a kidskin and is experiencing what we know today as postpartum depression. Back in the 1800s doctors had no understanding of these symptoms, so they chalked it all up to a temporary nervous depression. This was recovered(p) by a treatment called the rest cure popularized by Dr. S. Weir Mitchell. This remedy consisted mainly of isolation and bed rest. We now know that this does nothing to promote a healthy mind or body. But, at the time this was the best-known cure. As a child Jane had hallucinations, I used to l ie awake as a child and get more entertainment and terror out of blank walls and plain furniture than most children could find in a toy-store.(Gilman 593). This sort of carriage is more than just your average childs rampant imagination. This is truly the sound of someone who is delusional and needs some form of psychological counseling. This too active quasi delusional behavior followed Jane to adulthood, and was noticed but dismissed as pure silliness by her husband even before the screw up came about, ... he says that Tyer 2 with my imaginative power and habit of story-making, a nervous weakness like mine is sure to lead to all manner of insane fancies...(Gilman 592) Anytime Jane acted a little bit weird he would just say it was her hyperactive imagination at work again. Little did he know the depths of her problems that were to rifle evident over the next three months. The demons in her mind first began to attack her psyche about ... ...traits of a mentally unstable individ ual. The rest cure coupled with the postpartum depression Tyer 4 she was experiencing merely accelerated the mental flaws she had, and brought about the inevitable. The cure had taken an already frangible mind and thrown it into ace and total disarray. Tyer 5 Works CitedGilman, Charlotte Perkins. The Yellow Wallpaper. Literature An Introduction to Reading And Writing. 7th ed. Edgar V. Roberts and Henry E. Jacobs. Upper Saddle River Prentice Hall. 2004. 590-600.

Windows 95 The O/s Of The Future :: essays research papers

Windows 95 the O/S of the FutureThe way of the computing world is changing at a neck breaking pace. People arelooking for computers to be simple to use, and to make life easier for them. Thecomputer manufactures and software developers have started to tailor computersand programs to fit the involve of the new computer age. Graphical InterfaceSoftware (GUI) began to make computing easier and people who never dreamed ofowning computers began to buy them. Macintosh was one of the showtime GUIcomputers to hit the market, but it was not IBM compatible, so it did not takeover the mainstream of the computer industry. Since most computers where beingmake to fit the IBM compatible standards, Microsoft motto the need to replace DOS(Disk Operating System) with something easier to use. That is when theydeveloped Windows, which covered the difficult to use DOS with a new face thatmade computing easier. The firstly Windows was a start in the right direction. Inan effort to make computing mee t the needs of the public, Microsoft developedWindows 95.Windows 95 has the appearance of being a completely user friendly operatingsystem and it pretty much is as far as the average user is concerned. Thecompatibility with most hardware makes it easy for someone to upgrade theircomputer. The desktop is designed so the user has point and click access to tout ensembletheir open and closed programs. Utilizing the 32 bit programing it was writtenwith, users are able to work with more than one program at a time and moveinformation between programs. This gives the user the independence they need tobegin to explore the world of computing without having to learn all the computer stuff.Today everyone wants the blistering computer with the best monitor and fastestmodem this was an interrupt address nightmare until Windows 95 was developed.People didnt know what jumpers needed to go where to make their hardware work.Or why their CDROM wouldnt work since they changed their sound board. or sohardware periphials have all the configurations built into a chip thatcommunicates with Windows 95 to find out where it needs to put itself in theaddress map. This allows users to have depict big screen monitors and connect tothe Internet with high speed modems. They can also put in faster video cardsthat use all the nice Windows 95 features, thus making their computing lesscomplicated Windows 95 is set up with novice users in mind. As with Windows 3.x,it has boxes that open up with the program inside called windows.

Lucky Jim :: essays research papers

CharactersThere is more(prenominal) than a touch of the picaresque rogue in Jim Dixon. Jim perpetrates asuccession of practical jokes, tricks, and deceptions on other characters in the unused,especially those who offend his democratic sensibility.He has a talent for "pulling faces" and projecting voices gestures Amis uses toenhance Jims social commentary. He is sometimes aided and abetted in his balefulnessby his fellow boarder, the salesman Bill Atkinson.On campus, in addition to Welch, Johns, and Margaret, Jim is seen interacting withcertain female students to whom he is attracted and with Mr.Michie, an ardent overachiever who keeps pushing Jim to provide him with thesyllabus for Jims honors tutorial.Off campus, Jim meets Christine Callaghan and last steals her away fromBertrand Welch. Through Christine he meets her uncle Julius GoreUrquhart, a wealthyentrepreneur and critic who hires Jim as his personal secretary.ThemesAs in all good comedy, the theme of this news is the difference mingled with appearanceand truth, between illusion and reality. The theme plays itself out through theconventional concerns of romantic love. Jim is caught between the falsity of MargaretPeel and the freshness of Christine Callaghan. He is caught between one job, thefuture of which involves kowtowing to Welch until he becomes an historical fossillike his superior, and another job the prospect of which offers a supportive employerand interesting work. Amis projects Jim through a series of complications during thecourse of which the author critiques the stuffiness of Englands moribund socialsystem. The obligatory happy ending is fulfilled when Jim ends up with the properwoman and the proper work.Techniques/literary PrecedentsLucky Jim is a conventional novel its narration is third person, its development ischronological, and its style is a conventional mixture of dialogue and description. Thecharacterizations are clearly and precipitously drawn. The novel abounds in verbal wit, odd gesture, and good natured satire. One of its most distinguished qualities is thepacing and power of key descriptive withdrawages. Amis controls and builds excruciatinglycomic strain in such descriptions as Welch attempting to pass a van on a curve with aLucky Jim essays research papers CharactersThere is more than a touch of the picaresque rogue in Jim Dixon. Jim perpetrates asuccession of practical jokes, tricks, and deceptions on other characters in the novel,especially those who offend his democratic sensibility.He has a talent for "pulling faces" and projecting voices gestures Amis uses toenhance Jims social commentary. He is sometimes aided and abetted in his rogueryby his fellow boarder, the salesman Bill Atkinson.On campus, in addition to Welch, Johns, and Margaret, Jim is seen interacting withcertain female students to whom he is attracted and with Mr.Michie, an ardent overachiever who keeps pushing Jim to provide him with thesyllabus for Jims ho nors tutorial.Off campus, Jim meets Christine Callaghan and eventually steals her away fromBertrand Welch. Through Christine he meets her uncle Julius GoreUrquhart, a wealthyentrepreneur and critic who hires Jim as his personal secretary.ThemesAs in all good comedy, the theme of this book is the difference between appearanceand truth, between illusion and reality. The theme plays itself out through theconventional concerns of romantic love. Jim is caught between the falsity of MargaretPeel and the freshness of Christine Callaghan. He is caught between one job, thefuture of which involves kowtowing to Welch until he becomes an historical fossillike his superior, and another job the prospect of which offers a supportive employerand interesting work. Amis projects Jim through a series of complications during thecourse of which the author critiques the stodginess of Englands moribund socialsystem. The obligatory happy ending is fulfilled when Jim ends up with the properwoman and the pro per work.Techniques/Literary PrecedentsLucky Jim is a conventional novel its narration is third person, its development ischronological, and its style is a conventional mixture of dialogue and description. Thecharacterizations are clearly and sharply drawn. The novel abounds in verbal wit,comic gesture, and good natured satire. One of its most distinguished qualities is thepacing and power of key descriptive passages. Amis controls and builds excruciatinglycomic tension in such descriptions as Welch attempting to pass a van on a curve with a

Ancient Burials Essay examples -- Cultural Culture Death Essays

Ancient BurialsWhen someone dies in our society we immediately think of ritualistic burial ceremonies, for example a religious service or open casket. Regardless of where you are from or what your cultural hindquartersground is every culture has its own method and traditions associated with death. Burials dating clog up to 15,000-27,660 years ago are culturally and symbolically advanced burials. Therefore providing evidence to represent how socially and culturally advanced modern Homo sapiens really were. However there are those individuals including Anthropologists themselves who refute this statement. They do not believe that modern Homo sapiens that date back this far provoke possibly be as socially and culturally advanced as I believe them to be. These individuals believe that the evidence and examples including the articles of, The Triple Burial of Dolni Vestonice and The Cap Blanc skirt are in fact accidents and coincidences.A radiocarbon date has been labeled to The Tripl e Burial of Dolni Vestonice to 27,660 years ago, during the Upper Paleolithic era. This specific burial locate was excavated in Moscow, Russia in 1986. The gracile frame of references found here were of threesome ancient people. All three lay side by side. In the middle was the oldest of the three and this skeleton appears to be a woman, due to the analysis of her pelvic region. The entire right side of the womans body was not fully demonstrable and her skull shape was asymmetrical. Therefore giving Anthropologists insinuation that she must have had scoliosis due to her deformations. To the left of the woman lies a robust (17 year old boy) with his hand atop of hers. And to the right of the woman lies another robust skeleton (18 or 19 year old boy) with both of his arms touchi... ...n 1911, many anthropologists thought the adult skeleton was a 25 year old male. This proves that anthropologists can be wrong within their predictions. Experiments must be tested several times in narrate for dates to be accurate. Likewise, in reference to the theories of symbolic burials and the advanced culture of these ancient peoples. Theories may be attested, although we do obtain clear evidence that these burials are not accidents.As I have shown you through two pieces of well studied excavated sites. The Triple Burial of Dolni Vestonice and The Cap Blanc Lady are not accidents and coincidences. Burials that date back to 15,000-27,600 years ago are in fact culturally and symbolically advanced for there time. Its up to you to formulate your own opinion on this subject matter. Just remember to remind yourself of the questions and the evidence I have provided.

Anne Bradstreet: The Heretical Poet :: essays research papers fc

Anne Bradstreet The Heretical PoetGreg Saxon     The purpose of this research is to discuss heretical elements in thepoetry of Anne Bradstreet (1612-1672). This is not to imply that Bradstreet wasa heretic in the sense that American religious reformer Anne Hutchinson was.Hutchinson (1591-1643) emigrated to Boston in 1634 and preached a doctrine ofsalvation through intuitive apprehension of clemency rather than by works, andattacked the rigid moral and legal codes of New England Puritanism. AnneBradstreet accepted the tenets of Puritanism and was a very religious person.Anti-Puritan themes are, however, to be found in her poetry in terms of herreligious doubts, her expression of personal emotions and thoughts, and herartistry. She did not write to preach or teach,, as Puritan writers wereinstructed to, but to express herself. It is this personal expression thatforms the alkali of the heretical elements in her poetry.     To understand why per sonal expression may be considered heretical, thesociety in which Bradstreet lived and wrote must be examined in order to get over what kinds of human activities and behaviors were acceptable and howBradstreet deviated from these behaviors.     Bradstreet was not truly unorthodox in that she did not dissent fromaccepted beliefs and doctrine. She was a woman of the 17th Century and lived ina male dominated, intensely religious society. She lived within the limitationsnot only of the beliefs and standards of her society, but of her sex. A womansplace was definitely in the home in Colonial America. The experiences of womenwere considered fix and trivial in comparison with mens.     Puritanism was more than a religious belief it was a way of life. "Inthe dozen years before 1640, some 15,000 Englishmen cut through the Atlantic inorder to establish a Holy Commonwealth in which that way of life couldflourish"(Hall 1).    &nb spThe Puritans were a party in the Church of England that arose inElizabeths hulk with the purpose of carrying out the Protestant reformation,and to base the Church of England on the foundation of the scriptures. Asidefrom a literal belief in the Bible, Puritans wholly accepted the doctrines of throne Calvin and his stern legalistic theology. The Puritans held that religionshould permeate every phase of living. The purpose of life was to do Godswill everything else was subordinate to this basic doctrine.     The Colony set up by the English Puritans was essentially an experimentin Christian living. Religion and earning a living were the two priorities ofthe Puritans of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. In contrast to the Pilgrims, theywere well-off and intentional men, many of whom were professionals and

Christian Dior and the House of Dior: Luxury and Brilliant Style Combin

When I opened my couture house I decided to dress only the most portable women from the eldest ranks of society. Christian Dior Christian Dior impacted fashion by establishing the house of Dior, and creating the New Look in 1947. When Dior created his designs, he looked back on his French country inheritance and childhood for inspiration. The House of Dior still incorporates Christian Diors past into modern day designs and honors his traditions. (De Racogne) The New Look shocked people out of World struggle II and austerity and into a new era of elegant fashion. Diors New Look made him, the House of Dior, and Paris, the recognized fashion icons, which have in any case been influential in modern times. The House of Dior is one of the most recognized luxury brands in fashion. Christian Dior, the original genius behind the brand, massively changed the fashion world by introducing his New Look in 1947. His design changed a world of dreariness and sacrifice of World War II into one wi th a bright future, especially in fashion. Many people loved the gentle curves of the silhouette, emphasizing the womens hips and small waist. The New Look trickled down to the mass markets at a lower cost. Everyone had access to the basic design of the New Look. Even in todays House of Dior, luxury and heritage is a priority. Monsieur Dior of all time tied his designs back to his childhood, which designers still do today. Every piece of an outfit has a meaning to it from Christian Diors life. Luxury is also supremacy in the House of Dior, much like it was for Mr. Dior. Overall, without Christian Dior, the world may still be in an unfashionable rut. His New Look shocked everyone out of the state of war and into a prosperous future. His house carries his legacy today.Chr... ...ten work in the garden. Also, when he was older, and needed inspiration, he would visit his summer home to be one with temperament. Happiness pink is a term Dior created to describe a light, soft pink. In s tands for the color of his childhood home in Granville, which is now a museum. Black, red, and color are also very common colors, which Dior thinks flatter almost everyone. Red is the magical color that has created the strongest link between Dior and Galliano. Finally, three other common fabrics are houndstooth, Prince of Wales plaid, and lace. (Offices of the House of Dior) Designers must study these stories, in order to create a true Dior-esque collection. Famous lines from the house of Dior are the Zig-zag, in 1948, the Vertical, in 1950, the Tulip, in 1953, the H-line, in 1954, the A-line, in 1955, the Y-line, in 1955, and the Spindle line in 1957. (Krebs)

Christian Dior and the House of Dior: Luxury and Brilliant Style Combin

When I opened my c show upure house I decided to dress only the most swanky women from the first ranks of society. Christian Dior Christian Dior impacted fashion by establishing the house of Dior, and creating the New Look in 1947. When Dior created his designs, he looked back on his French dry land heritage and childhood for inspiration. The House of Dior still incorporates Christian Diors past into modern day designs and honors his traditions. (De Racogne) The New Look shocked people out of gentlemans gentleman War II and austerity and into a new era of elegant fashion. Diors New Look made him, the House of Dior, and Paris, the recognized fashion icons, which boast also been influential in modern times. The House of Dior is sensation of the most recognized luxury brands in fashion. Christian Dior, the original genius behind the brand, throngively changed the fashion world by introducing his New Look in 1947. His design changed a world of dreariness and sacrifice of World War II into one and only(a) with a bright future, especially in fashion. Many people loved the gentle curves of the silhouette, emphasizing the womens hips and small waist. The New Look trickled down to the mass markets at a lower cost. Everyone had access to the basic design of the New Look. Even in todays House of Dior, luxury and heritage is a priority. Monsieur Dior always tied his designs back to his childhood, which designers still do today. Every piece of an outfit has a meaning to it from Christian Diors life. Luxury is also mastery in the House of Dior, much like it was for Mr. Dior. Overall, without Christian Dior, the world may still be in an unfashionable rut. His New Look shocked everyone out of the war and into a prosperous future. His house carries his legacy today.Chr... ...ten work in the garden. Also, when he was older, and needed inspiration, he would visit his summer home to be one with nature. Happiness pink is a term Dior created to describe a light, soft pink. In stands for the color of his childhood home in Granville, which is now a museum. Black, red, and gray are also very common land colors, which Dior thinks flatter almost everyone. Red is the magical color that has created the strongest link between Dior and Galliano. Finally, three other common fabrics are houndstooth, Prince of Wales plaid, and lace. (Offices of the House of Dior) Designers must study these stories, in order to create a true Dior-esque collection. Famous lines from the house of Dior are the Zig-zag, in 1948, the Vertical, in 1950, the Tulip, in 1953, the H-line, in 1954, the A-line, in 1955, the Y-line, in 1955, and the Spindle line in 1957. (Krebs)

Identifying the Major Causes of the Civil War Essay

The civil war happened between the years 1861 and 1865 when the history of the United States was still very(prenominal) young. It was a very costly war, leading to over 600000 casualties. Its origin can be traced to a number of causes, which I identify in this essay. First of all, there were tightness between the North and the atomic number 16 due to economic and social differences (Catton, 1988). The economy of the south depended mainly on plantation agriculture, growing commercial cotton utilise slave labor. The north was industry-oriented, and this meant that two groups of people had to learn to live together.Secondly, there were ideological differences as some people were against according of greater rights for the state term others felt that more authority needed to be vested on the federal government (Catton, 1988). Many felt that the US constitution had given the state very few rights, and this led to conflicts. Third, there was continuous animosity between those who supp orted the use of slave labor and those opposed to slavery. These conflicts eventually spilled over to the Senate, and these tensions contributed to the outbreak of war. ontogenesis of the abolition movement was another leading cause of the Civil War.The North generally opposed slavery while the South depended on it. African American slaves in the south started moving to the North where their rights were more recognized, and sympathizers there harbored them (Catton, 1988). This caused animosity between northern and southern states. Finally, the election of Abraham Lincoln, who was a supporter of the Abolitionist Movement, caused South Carolina to issue a declaration of secession Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia Louisiana and Texas soon followed suit, and action had to be taken to preserve the union (Catton, 1988).

Why Should We Respect Difference in Others

Guillermo NigaglioniSeptember 25, 2010 Ad English-02Mrs. Wanda Miranda Why Should We Respect Difference in Others Every 1 has a quality that inducts them antithetic from other people. If you wear upont like or love others qualities, they will do the same to you and you wont like that. Also, if you dont like that quality, dont tell them. Just keep it to yourself and no one gets their feelings hurt. Others substructure also hate you for your own qualities because no one is perfect especi on the wholey people that say that they are perfect. ome qualities can be the same, but at least one thing has to be different from other people. There are many ways to try to treat ones differences with respect. One of those ways is trying not to insult them or make fun of them. For example, they might know a new type of hair and it may look funny, but dont say it out loud. another(prenominal) way is to listen to them when they speak. Dont ignore them when they speak because they could do the s ame to you. Finally, you could respect them by being sensitive with their feelings.If you see someone crying, table service them and discover why they are crying. Some of the people you really need to respect are your fri peculiaritys and family. Your friends are people that respect you if you treat them well. They can be sensitive to your needs as well as you beings sensitive to their needs. They can stop being your friends if you dont respect their differences. Your family is the group of people that respect you the most. If you have a different quality than any other of your family members, they can respect you for it and you can respect them for their qualities.Respecting others beliefs is important when we talk well-nigh taste. For example I like apple and you like peach I like blue cars and you like red cars. We all have different types of likes and dislikes, so we have to respect that because not everyone is the same. Also, we can criticize our own opinions and others opinio ns to identify the correct one because not everyone is correct with their own opinions. We all believe in different things which is why we need to respect each other for it and we can discuss it in a calm and respectful way.To end my opinion essay, I think we should respect difference in others because no one is ever the same, even when youre twins. The qualities that make us different can be the same to other people, but we still have at least one thing that make us different. You can believe whatever you want, but we all believe different things and we can respect that. Respecting is an important quality if you like to have many friends. You can respect the different qualities they have and you can respect that so that you make a difference in the world.

Development as a Dynamic System

The high-powered system of ruless conjecture in ontogenesis explicated by Thelen and metalworker conceitualized the process of development as a process of change. In the theory, the authors explained how the development of human occurred. The concept of the theory greatly uses the experiments and study on motor, perceptual and cognitive development. The combat-ready system theory is considered as a new scientific paradigm that is continuously evolving from the concept of development as a dynamic, non-linear, self-organizing or eventide chaotic system.The dynamic system theory of development encompasses different principle widely used and accepted in different fields such as in physics, chemistry, and mathematics. (Stolorow, 1997) Thelen and Smith bear oned with the explanation as to how development occurs in humans proposed a radical alternative to the exiting cognitive theory. (Storolow, 1997) Their emphasis on dynamic representation of the process and the process evoking the concept of change is also stressed.As an alternative to the traditional cognitive theory existing at the time the theory was developed, it get down to apply the complexity theory to psychology as they reinterpret several traditional concepts used in the cognitive development theory in psychology. In this approach, the theory started with fundamental questions with regards to the cognitive theory.As the new theory of dynamic system of development revealed, it is regarded as a theory of development of cognition and action, at the comparable time unifying the recent advances in their conceptualized theory and the current research findings and analysis in the neuroscience and neural development field. The dynamic system of development theory shows how the processes governed by principles of exploration and selection and multimodal experiences form the bases for self-organizing perception and action categories. (Thelen, 1994) The theory became a powerful source of new metaphors for th e field of psychoanalysis.The theory includes analysis of phenomena akin conflict, transference, resistance and the unconscious intertwined with the perspective of the development process as dynamically emergent properties that elucidate the process of pattern formation and the process of change. The theory is helpful in understanding the complexity of the development process. As a function of the theory, it permits theoretical statements about development of societies and groups but also the individuals within the societies and the entities that govern the group.The dynamic system approach attempts to answer the different levels of problems and at some point avoids it by defining the process of development being multilayered. The theoretical assumptions of the dynamic system theory tries to avoid the concept of stages in outward behavior because the concept of the theory acknowledges the fact that outward behaviors that appears to be staged-like is or can be explained by the occ urring continuous changes in the components governing those behaviors.(Thelen, 1994)The theory stresses the importance of the concept of change and transition, and attributes the process of development in the mechanisms of change that has a process of the first whole tone towards the last. The theory focuses on the concept of change, and limits its regards to change being time-bounded or as a series of stages with transitions. Dynamic systems being self-organizing are a consequence for the persuasion that development is a result of spontaneous emergence of higher-order structure.The emergence of higher-order structures contributes to the recursive interactions among the simple components included in the process. Essentially connected with human development is the concept of human individuals being developing organisms having continuous and numerous genetic, physiological and psychological attributes. In turn this results to behavioral changes which include the interaction between the individual and its environment. In turn the dynamic system theory of development is given less of the credit it deserves as a theory that explains further the human development of an individual.The concern of the theory is to stress the value of the concept of change and how it is important in the understanding of development and other factors that surrounds the concept of development. The dynamic system of development in humans greatly contributes to the fact that behavior is the outcome of the interaction between the individual and its environment. Thelen and Smith objectively presented a new theory that governs the principle of development being a process of change, which includes the transitory and stages in resulting to development.ReferenceStolorow, R. D. (1997). A Dynamic System Approach to the Development of Cognition and Action By Esther Thelen and Linda Smith. The external Journal of Psychoanalysis 1(78), 620-622.Storolow, R. D. (1997). Dynamic, Dyadic, Intersubjective Systems An Evolving Paradigm for Psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytical Psychology, 1(14), 337-346.Thelen, E., & Smith, L. B. (1994). A dynamic systems approach to the development of cognition and action. Cambridge, MA MIT Press.

Tobacco/Cotton Slavery FRQ

Compare and contrast the experience of strivers on tobacco plantations in the primeval seventeenth-century Chesapeake region with that of slaves on nineteenth-century like plantations in the fat South. What forces transformed the institution of bondage the early seventeenth century to the nineteenth century? When approaching thralldom from a historical standpoint, it is a tendency to deduct the experience of slaves. However, slavery differs per region and season period.The differing climates of the Chesapeake region and Deep South determined the crops that would be grown and consequently the severity of slave labor. Likewise, over time slavery evolved from a class based system (poor indentured servants working alongside blacks) to a racially based system, creating an identity within the slave community. However, non only the slave experience differed, the institution itself transformed.The transition from class-based slavery to racial slavery, accompanied by new technologies that made the industry much profitable, changed how the institution was run. Thus, despite a general continuity in the institution of slavery, such as it beingness agrarian-based and involving black subordinates, many forces changed the institution like the installment of slave codes in 1670s, making it a legal and racial practice, and the development of the cotton gin and other technological advances in the 1790s.Whilst seventeenth century slavery was characterized by smaller tobacco plantations, racially-mixed servitude, and somewhat less-demanding labor, nineteenth century slavery was characterized by large-scale cotton plantations, solely black slavery, harsh and dangerous working conditions, and syncretic slave societies within plantations. This essay will approach identifying factors of change through the general categories of beginning, middle, and end of American slavery. It will as well as directly compare and contrast the institutions of early Chesapeake and later Dee p South slavery. knuckle downry is not new and unique to United States history, and many factors caused it to change and evolve in America. The first major transformation took put up in roughly the 1690s when slavery was defined legally and racially. Slavery began in the Chesapeake region as indentured servitude, granting migrants passage to the New World in trade for a labor contract. The first Africans were brought to the Jamestown colony in 1619, joining the ranks of indentured servants and working side-by-side with whites. There was no legal definition of slavery at the time.Eventually, with epoch-making free land to begin competitor farms, European indentured servants often finished or abandoned their indentured liveness to begin anew. This created an ever-growing void for labor, and presented a flaw with indentured-servitude if they could start their own farm, what would keep them at another? This frightened the planters, who feared rebellion and faced a lack of labor. At the same time, Africans were steadily being brought into America for servitude. In fact, by the mid-1680s black slaves outnumbered their European counterparts.Bacons Rebellion, 1676, was a rebellion staged by white descendants of or former indentured-servants sprightliness on the frontier against the government of Virginia over defending land from Indians. The result, however, was the end of indentured servitude. It presented too much of a risk servitude would sire to be go on in another way. This way was achieved when in 1682 Virginia issued a slave code that marked the first distinction that all peoples imported to the country of color were to be slaves. This was measurable because it introduced race into the realm of servitude.Now slavery was both legally enforced and racial. This was a significant force to the development of the black slavery and white supremacist market-gardening we associate with American History today. Throughout the middle time period, racial slavery wa s concreted. In the eighteenth century, it became evident that the fertile soil of the southern colonies would be instrumental to growing cash crops. Thus, the tobacco slavery practiced in the Chesapeake region boomed, increasing the demand for slaves. Tobacco was an appealing crop for planters, for it cost pennies to purchase and sold for much more.As a result, the slave trade expanded, and many companies sought to join the profitable trade. This is shown by the Royal African Company losing its monopoly in 1698. By 1750, blacks comprised nearly half of the population in Virginia. To ensure the preservation of racial slavery, new slave codes deemed that the children of those enslaved would also be enslaved. Thus the concept of slavery for life was established. This furthered the claim of planters that the blacks they owned were in fact property or chattels, making the racial basis of slavery unquestionable.It is clear that America was no longer rightful(prenominal) a society with slaves the institution of slavery was integrated with race, the economy, politics, as well as everyday life. In addition to tobacco plantations, cotton slavery was also expanding in the Deep South. As the soil became exhausted from growing tobacco in the Chesapeake area, many slave-owners found it more profitable to sell their slaves to southern plantations. Thus, though slavery remained in the Chesapeake area, the growing cotton industry moved its epicenter to the Deep South. The major forces that caused this shift will be included in the divide about the end of slavery.The soil was beginning to become overused because of the intensity of tobacco growing in the Chesapeake, and many plantation owners decided to sell their slaves to Southern cotton plantation owners. In the nineteenth century, the institution of slavery peaked economically and politically. Cotton slavery was a lucrative industry. This was made viable by Eli Whitneys invention of the cotton gin in 1793, and the Bri tish Industrial Revolution. The British had an increased need for cotton for their growing textile industry. The cotton gin allowed slaves to more efficiently yield cotton.Thus, the supply-demand relationship gave rise to massive plantations, some owning hundreds of slaves. The fortunes in slavery were clear by the huge estates of planters and many acres of slave-tended fields. Although, the Atlantic Slave Trade was outlawed in 1808, the slave population in America was self-sustaining (it would eventually peak at about four million in the first place the Civil War). In addition, illegal Atlantic slave trade continued as well as trading within the country (take for example the insurgent Middle Passage). Slavery, now legally restricted to southern states, was the core of the southern agrarian economy.Because it was so lucrative, planters took initiatives to ensure productivity from their slaves. Whipping was a common practice. Also, romp Slave Laws gave planters the right to their slaves as property, even if they escaped to the free North. Slave codes were strict, and even an inappropriate greeting could guarantee a slave punishment. In reaction to rebellions like that of Denmark Vesey in 1822 or the Nat Turner Insurrection of 1831, paranoia was high. Planters used these laws to keep slaves in line, and preserve the institution of slavery.In conclusion, a clear progression is made from a legally undefined practice of servitude to a heavily legislated institution with severe punishments. Likewise, slavery developed from servitude of the lower class to racial enslavement. These developments would not be possible without the initial shift caused by Bacons Rebellion and the slave codes, to the eventual invention of the cotton gin that made slavery such a lucrative venture. As a direct result of the evolving institution of slavery, slaves had different experiences at different times and places in American history.To exemplify the effects of the forces that transfo rmed slavery, it is important to examine how they altered the experience of slaves over time. To begin we will shed light on the experience of a seventeenth century Chesapeake tobacco slave. This slave would have likely worked alongside white indentured servants, considering slavery was not yet racial. Since slaves were first brought to the Chesapeake in 1619, African servants of this time may not have known English. The nuclear family of slaves often stayed together at this time, and if not they usually remained within the same region.Although the climate of the Chesapeake area is hot in the summer, the conditions were not as bad as further south. The experience of seventeenth century slaves had many similarities and differences to that of their later, Deep South counterparts. By the nineteenth century, slavery was a booming industry, peculiarly in the Deep South where the growing demand for cotton resulted in many plantations. Similarities to the experience of seventeenth century slaves were the consistent agrarian nature of slavery it still involved significant manual labor.In addition, the slaves lived roughly the same way, with as much (or as little) food and sleep required to keep them productive. Although it was less unpatterned in the seventeenth century, the black race was always viewed as subordinate. The force that caused significant differences was the increased scale of nineteenth century slavery. It is truly the difference in the midst of a society with slaves and a slave society. The Deep South was dependent on the cotton industry. Slaves of the nineteenth century faced grueling conditions, as draw in Frederick Douglasss autobiography. It can be assumed the mortality rate was higher.The nuclear family of Deep South slaves was often broken apart. The marriage vow of slaves was until remainder or distance do you part. It was profitable to sell slaves down the river, and many slaves like Sojourner Truth watched all of their family sold away. Compared to the mixed ethnicities of slaves in the seventeenth century, by the nineteenth century American slaves formed an identity as a separate ethnic group. Most spoke English, and syncretic slave languages like Geechee and Gullah were formed. In addition, spirituals (slave songs) helped the slaves survive harsh work.Deep South slaves also faced more punishment, to keep them mentally enslaved as well as physically. Overall, despite the same general structure, slavery in nineteenth century Deep South was much harsher than tobacco slavery in the Chesapeake. In addition, the resulting identities formed by slaves defined the culture and realised their lifestyles. In conclusion, many forces culminated to transform slavery from an economic to a social and racial institution. The resulting outcome was a huge and lucrative industry. This changed how slaves lived, transitioning from less-harsh work to grueling labor, as well as forming a cultural identity.

Ethics Golden Rule

There is no right vs.. Wrong when it comes to showing hero-worship for the out of work or comforting the grieving. Perhaps it is better to think in terms of appropriate vs.. Inappropriate, or thoughtful vs.. Thoughtless. When youre not sure what to do, the best course of movement is al meanss the Golden Rule treat others the way you wish to be treated. Under this ethical code, funeral directors, cremation societies and direct disposers are expected to treat with he great respect the clients they serve, the deceased with whom they are entrusted the general public who seek information the cultural values, religious traditions, and familial relationships of all the private information they are give and the laws of the state and the profession in which they serve. The death Of a loved one is an incredibly difficult time, and a family needs to feel supported and cared for when they choose a funeral professional to take care of a loved one.Ethical treatment of the deceased is the high est priority for cremation societies, funeral homes and cemeteries. It is an honor and a sacred duty to help a family when they pay lost a loved one. It is a spiritual and reverent experience to care for those who have died. Those in Funeral Service are committed to leading the way in funeral industry ethics, and showing the communities, in which they serve that do take their duties and responsibilities seriously in showing reverence for the dead. What should be done with the dead? Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? (l Corinthians 1555) Death is never a welcome visitor. Death may come suddenly or be receded by a long, lingering illness. No matter how we may sometimes think we are prepared for a death, it is always perceived as sudden and without warning. many a(prenominal) people are so afraid of death that the topic is totally avoided from any thought or discussion. Several methods for disposal are practiced undercoat burial, entombment, cremation or donation of the decedents body for anatomical study. In many cases, the manner of disposal is dominated by spiritual guidelines and a desire to show reverence for the dead, and may be highly radicalized.Many religions as well as legal jurisdictions have set rules regarding the disposal of cadavers of the dead. Since the experience of death is universal to all humans, practices regarding corpse disposal are a part of every culture and religion. There is a duty upon certain people to dispose of a body later a death. This duty falls on the executor or administrator of the decedents estate, the parents of a deceased child, a hospital authority / nursing home if the body of a deceased patient is on its premises and the local authority where no arrangements are otherwise made for the disposal.

How children development is influenced by many factors Essay

A barbarians nurture can be stirred by both personal and external factors. Personal factors argon those that be sepcific to an individual fry and external factors are those that could theoretically bear upon each and every pincer.Personal factors include the followingHealthSome childrens development whitethorn be affected by a pre-existing health condition. For precedent a babys development can be affected during the pregnancy, if a mother smokes, takes drugs, drinks alcohol or contracts certain infections such as rubella. Foetal Alcohol Syndrome occurs when a mother drinks large amounts of alcohol during her pregnancy. This condition leave alone usually affect a childs cognitive and physiologic development. The amount of alcohol consumed, as well as, when during the pregnancy it was drunk and whether it involved debauch drinking or large amounts being drunk on a regular basis, pull up stakes affect the level of disability social movementd. FAS can as well as cause del ays in physical development as the child whitethornbe underweight, problems with feeding and speech due to facial abnormalites and neurological problems such as alcohol withdrawal, problems with repositing and communication and a low IQ. A range of developmental areas can be affected by a health issue non ripe the physical development. For exampleTheir ability to make friends. A child who is repeatedly away from work may not be able to get to go the other children.Their education. Days maybe missed due to hospital or doctors appointments or long periods of time missed because of hospitilisation or middling not feeling well enough to go to school.A wishing of confidence and low self esteem. They may have to rely heavily on adults in some areas of their lives and have little or no sense of self-reliance. Many doctors are now encouraging children to be partially responsible to their condition, for example children with diabetes are often encouraged to inject themselves.Missed o pportunities. Some children may not be able to take part in certain activities on offer. Running or playing outside may trigger their condition. There are other health issues that may affect development. This could be as frank as a bout of toncilitis firmness of purposeing in a couple ofweeks off school at an important point of the childs education or a chronic health condition like diabetes that may mean missing lessons due to regular hospital appointments while the condition is being monitored. hindranceCerebal palsy is a neurological condition that affects the brain and nervous system. It is a general term that covers a range of conditions that affect a childs morvement and co-ordination and is caused by damage to the brain before, during or just after the birth. Again the symptoms and severity vary greatly from child to child and also by the compositors case of Cerebral palsy runed for example spastic hemiplegia or ataxic cerebral palsy. Some children have the ability to wal k but the age at which they can do this will be affected by either hypotonia (decreased) or hypertonia (increased muscle tone). Spina Bifida is another condition that is present from birth. broadly speaking it does not affect a childs cognitive development but, depending on the shell a child has, may affect their physical development. In severe cases the childs legs may be partially or even fully paralysed and on that point may also be urinary and gut incontinence issues. The number of children born with spina bifida is now low, due to the recommendation that women take folic acid whilst trying for a baby and in the early stages of pregnancy. Spina Bifida may not only affect a childs physical development. It may also affect the following areas-Intellectual development as the child may have to have lots of time off of school.Emotional development as they may feel contrastive to those children around them.Social development as they are not able to socialise with others.Sensory Im pairmentA opthalmic or hearing impairment can have a braggy effect on many areas of development. A hearing impairment can mean that speech is unclear and words pronuounced incorrectly. This can lead to a child avoiding social interaction, affecting emotional and social development, if they feel unable to express themselves properly. One of the main areas of physical development is hand-eye co-ordination and for a child with a visual impairment this take a lot longer to master.Learning DisabilitiesA childs cognitive development will be affected by learning difficulties, such as dyslexia, dyspraxia or ADHD, until it is picked up on. A SpecialEducational Needs Co-ordinator (Senco), which all schools have, will ensure that the extra educational funding needed by the child is in place by working with the child and their parent/carers. The social and emotional development and wellbeing of a child with learning difficulties may also be affected if they are seen as different by those aro und them and are teased and/or bullied and the effects of this type of treatment can cause issues well into adulthood.GeneticsAs soon as a child is conceived their development begins. Their genetic information is made up from both the egg and the sperm. This information can sometimes be faulty and will affect the development of the health of the child. Downs syndrome is an example of a genetic disorder. People with Downs syndrome have an extra copy of the chromosome 21 in the cells of their body. There are some facial and other physical features that are common with this disorder as well as certain medical problems. For example atrioventricular septal defect (AVSD). This is a condition where there is a hole in the muscle that usually separates the different chambers in the heart. Typically speaking the rate at which most children with Downs syndrome will develop will be affected because they have some degree of learning difficulty. However, the level of difficulty will vary from one person to another. Generally the usual speech and physical milestones will be reached but at a later stage than other children. External factors that may affect development include the following PovertyPoverty will probably have a major effect on development. Statistics show that children from poor backgrounds are less likely to flourish and achieve well at school. Parents will find it harder to deal with their childrens requirements which will have a bearing on all areas of development. For example- Intellectual Limited or no access to books, internet or other resources for studying.Social May not have the funds to be able to take part in activities that their friends are.Physical Poor diet or not being able to heat house in cold weather may cause health problems. Family background/environmentThe adults who care for children have an influence on their development.Parents play an extremely important piece in the lives of the their children. Although most parents do a good job at nurturing and providing for their children, there are a number of reasons why some parents are not able to do as good a job. Depression or an addiction to either drink or drugs are a few. Younger children may be neglected, whilst older children may have to take on a caring role within the family. A childs development is also influenced by what they are born with and by the experiences that they have. For example a child thats born with the potential to be a great long outmatch runner may not realise that potential unless they are given the opportunity to practise and the encouragement from adults to do it. A childs cultural background can also have an effect on a number of their areas of development e.g. social the primary language spoken at al-Qaida may be different to the primary language at school. Most families suffer stresses at times, some may be temporary, some more everlasting but all may have an effect on a childs emotional and/or cognitive development and may resul t in a change in their doings or ability to learn.Here are a few examples A change of employment.Redundancy or unemployment.Moving home whether locally or further afield.Changes in family structure eg parents seperating, divorcing or finding new partners. The birth of a new baby.The death or illness of a family member.The disability of a family member.Neglect/AbuseThere have been a lot of studies carried out on the relationship between the different types of child abuse/neglect and the affect on the different areas of development including physical, health, emotional and behavioural. The extent of the affect varies according to the seriousness, length of time and rate of return of abuse/neglect but can continue to have an impact on the adult lives.The effects of neglect/abuse on a childs development may include-Serious brain development issues. A child that is neglected during thefirst year of their life can suffer from serious brain development issues. Studies have shown that the brain of a 3 year old child who has suffered global neglect (the experience of several kinds of deprivation) will be notably smaller than a child who hasnt.Poor physical growth and or medical conditions such as anaemia caused by malnutrition.Problems forming and maintaining friendships/relationships. deprivation of confidence/low self-esteem caused by emotional abuse.Care statusAlthough some children in care have no developmental issues, many do. The lack of family stability and moving from one carer to another can have a negative affect on a childs social, emotional and behaviour development and cause problems with their ability to form attachments or to deal with separations. Children may have been abused or neglected prior to entering care system. This may also affect their social, emotional and behaviour development but may also affect their speech and language development as they are too distressed to talk. They may also suffer with mental health issues that may lead to delays in their cognitive development as time off from school is required. Children in care may also meet similar issues to those with disabilities and learning difficulties.

Education is a significant tool Essay

Rodriguez and Freire could sh ar an agreement on the fact that direction is a signifi tidy sumt tool on the path leading to success. Freire would disagree with Rodriguez on the fact that there is no finale of teaching method. Richard Rodriguez and Paolo Freire write of schooling as the core agentive role in ones life. Two Million Minutes, the film makes the argument that U.S. students argon performing at a mediocre level, at best, in math and science, and that this can non stand, given the growing economic and directional top executive of nations like China and India. U.S. students arent being pushed hard enough and are however getting by through high school, with the help of The Banking Concept of Education and The Achievement of Desire we can make a change in the students education and attitudes towards wanting to be lucky in life.Through Freires lens, Richard Rodriguez would be seen as a banking student, but could later be seen as a problem-posing student throughout the c ourse of his life in the eyes of Freire, Rodriguez was considered a receptacle which he did not understand the knowledge he absorbed. With this comparison, the reader can conclude that the banking education is a great element of a students life as seen in the documentary, 2 Million Minutes, students use all(prenominal) their time they withstand in high school, studying, memorizing their school curriculum in order to get a great education at a high level university to become very successful in their lives. This all ties into how the political aspect of the classroom has an impact on the society as a upstanding and having this power can change generations to come.The types of alliances Rodriguez had with his instructors, family and in life was affected by specific styles of education and as he looked through Freires lens of the banking concept, he came to realized that that method of education had a evil effect on his life. Early on in Rodriguezs essay he illustrates the chara cteristics of an automaton which corroborate Freires views regarding the banking concept. Despite his definition of a scholarship boy, Rodriguez lacked self-confidence which led him to be overpowered by his instructors and his books. Through Freires lens, Rodriguez would be considered a waste basket. He was filled not only with histeachers knowledge, but also with information obtained from his important books. Rodriguez seems to be a classic student of Freires banking system.Rodriguez shows signs of fleeing away from the ways of the banking concept early on. He concedes by saying, I became the prized student anxious and ardent to visualize. Too eager, too anxious an imitative and unoriginal pupil. At the time Rodriguez was simply skilful entrancing the narrated information that he obtained from his teachers and books. Even though he was able to narrate the information he received, he did not truly know or understand the knowledge he absorbed. Rodriguez and Freire both state th at education is vital for success. Freire states that, Projecting an absolute ignorance onto new(prenominal)s, a characteristic of the ideology of oppression, negates education and knowledge as processes of motion (Freire 3).Rodriguez did not question or analyze the information he simply accepted and deposited the knowledge without whatsoever doubts. By learning to use his education wisely and make connections between different texts, he heightened his intelligence.In 2 Million Minutes the featured American students Neil and Brittany are certainly intelligent, but they seem more(prenominal) concerned with extracurricular activities and friends than with their studies. Indian students Rohit and Apoorva, however, and Chinese students Xiaoyuan and Ruizhang all plan careers in math or science, and their families and schools obtain these goals. The film incorporates these students descriptions of their high school experiences and future aspirations with the hopes of their parents, a nd filmmakers juxtapose scenes from the different homes and schools. As it states knowledge is a enthrone bestowed by those who consider themselves knowledgeable upon those whom they consider to know nothing.(pg.1) Freire is stating that the students do not know anything and that the job of the teacher is to fill the piggy bank of the students minds with coins of knowledge. If we just give the students what they want and dont allow them to muster in back then they arent really learning anything.They should both be able to state their opinions, sop up conversations in which both students and teachers participate, and the students should have the opportunity to lead discussions. This way students develop a relationship with their teachers, their peers, and the world. This go forth enable them to receive an education where the teachers do not oppress the students, and there is a dialectical relationship between the twoshowing that they care and really want to be informed and learn something new. Although Freire and Rodriguez have different opinions, they both agree that education is the dominating event in the shaping of an adult life. Paulo Freire and Richard Rodriguez opinions of education are almost completely opposed, but they come to a conclusion of agreement in that the primary quill educational goal is to form a relationship with oneself, and with the world.Rodriguez spent many years of education fulfilling the banking concept, and although he later recognizes the loss it entailed, he primarily believes that imitation plays an important role in the process of education for one must do this to succeed. Here, Freire would argue that the educational system is currently oppressive towards the students, and that there is a sense of necrophilia behind it all, that being the love of death. This love of death, he explains, is the technique of teaching found on memory. Rodriguez would contradict this explanation of education, relaying that banking plays a lar ge role in the success of the student. Freire and Rodriguez have oppose views on the ideas of imitation, alienation, and power, Freire believing all of these concepts need to be removed or reformed and Rodriguez believing that they are important aspects for academic success.Freires view on Rodriguez is that he truly didnt understand what he was being taught, and thats where The Banking Concept of Education comes in which Rodriguez isnt communicating with his teachers hes just listening to what hes being taught. Paulo Freire and Richard Rodriguez have contradictory views concerning education. Paulo Freire discusses the negativities of present education and explains how it should be reformed, whereas Rodriguez illustrates his accept life in education, and how it led him to be the person he is today. Freire believes in problem posing education which consists of an alive, dynamic change in students, allowing them to become humanized with a relationship with the world. 2 Million Minute s it express that U.S. students arent focused and determined to do well in school like those in other countries like India and china.In comparison between the United States with China and India, there is a definite dissimilitude between the difficulties of the curriculum within the educational system. Even though we would believe that the educational system in U.S. is the complete and the most perfect one in the world the amount of the curriculum contents students learn are actually a lot less than students in China andIndia. Freire would argue that if Rodriguez was educated under the method of problem-posing he would have embraced his home life and would have developed as an individual. In the end Rodriguez had balanced his life out and reconnected with his family. Education in the end helped Rodriguez realize that other elements of his life are important. Both Freire and Rodriguez believe that a person cannot be without education.

Graduate school Essay

PreparationBefore put one overing, understand why attending graduate crop makes sense to you. To clarify why you want to attend graduate indoctrinate at this point in your life, try answering questions such(prenominal) asWhat will this degree enable you to achieve?What do you program to do with your advanced degree?Be able to express what about you and your experiences will help you to advance in the programMake lists of professors, courses, research projects, ideas, travel, and other experiences that turn in been important to you, or have influenced your closing to apply to graduate civilizehouse.Think about any volunteer, extracurricular, or paid work experiences, as salubrious as interests, special skills you possess, or honors and awards you have retrieved.What have you learned from your experiences? How have you used this knowledge? deliver the goods the admissions committee with information that supplements (not repeats) the information in the rest of your applicatio n. What important aspects atomic number 18 not clearly considered in your resume, college transcripts and test scores? For example, you might want to indicate how you hope to benefitfrom graduate studies, and how you intend to apply and integrate your graduate studies in your career.Writing TipsAnswer the question. Some applications require a general private statement, others ask you to write on more specific topics. Be sure to tailor your essay to the schools request.Keep the essay clear, concise, and to the point. The essay demonstrates your writing ability and communication skills. Engage your readers with an effective gateway and clear structure. Say what you mean directly and avoid using phrases like I think or In my opinion.Write your personal story. Set your statement apart by discussing WHAT is important to you, WHY it is important, and HOW you have used your talents and abilities in your life.Be specific and give examples. For instance, instead of simply stating that yo u would make an excellent regenerate (lawyer, engineer, etc.), provide reasons and examples. What experiences have you had that encouraged you to enter this field?Follow any format guidelines provided by the school, such as length, font, or margin size.Proofread Ask several people to read through your essay, in particular faculty in your desired area of study, English professors, career counselors, parents, and friends who will give you honest feedback. reassure that there are no typos, misspellings, or grammatical errors. Over USD Career Services Hughes 110 619-260-4654 careerssandiego.edu www.sandiego.edu/careers adaptYour essay will be different for each application. Know the special features, emphases, or approaches of each program, and reflect these in your essay.What are the schools strengths?What makes the program a good choice for you?How might you conduce to the program?CautionsDo not include references to your experiences or accomplishments before college, unless t here was an extraordinary achievement or trauma that had a significant impact on your current situation.Do not mention subjects that are too controversial. Avoid offending the admissions committee.Do not be too general. Top schools may receive thousands of applications, and you want yours to stand out. Keep your essay interesting, relevant, and tailored to the school.Additional ResourcesWebsites at many universities contain advice on writing graduate school essays. The Writing Center at RPIwww.rpi.edu/dept/llc/writecenter/web/gradapp.htmlUC Berkeley Graduate School talehttp//career.berkeley.edu/Grad/GradStatement.stmUCSD Application Essayshttp//career.ucsd.edu/sa/applicationEssays.shtmlThese commercial web sites offer helpful samples and tips on writing graduate school essays. By listing these sites, USD Career Services is not endorsing the additional paid services. Essay Edgewww.essayedge.com/Admissions Essayswww.admissionsessays.com (click on Writing Tips)All About the Graduate A dmissions Essayhttp//gradschool.about.com/od/essaywriting/All_About_the_Graduate_Admissions_Essay.htmThe following books on graduate school essays are available in the USD Career Services Library. Graduate Admissions Essays, by Donald Asher (Ten Speed Press) Petersons perfective Personal Statements, by Mark Stewart (Thomson Petersons)

Last Sacrifice Chapter Twenty-nine

THE EVENTS THAT FOLLOWED were a blur. Sonya might sire unploughed affections touch at bay, plainly it didnt idea. I was fluent in shock, still unable to think. They put me in the front seat, as far-off from Victor as possible. Dimitri drove us somewhereI didnt pay lots attentionwhere he and Sonya disposed of the body. They didnt say what they did, only that it was taken c ar of. I didnt ask for details. After that, we were certify and headed toward Court. Sonya and Dimitri tossed approximately options on what to do when we got in that location. Seeing as no angiotensin converting enzyme had to that extent substantiateed my bid, the current pattern was that Sonya would pose to escort Jill into Court. Jill asked if she could c whole her parents to let them land a pine she was okay, hardly Dimitri felt that was a security risk. Sonya express shed try to r to each one Emily in a dream, which made Jill belief a little better.I coped during the fight by checking i n on Lissa. Focusing on her as advantageously ask me a demeanor from the horrible ill-doing and emptiness I felt, the horror at what Id done to Victor. When I was with Lissa, I wasnt me, and in force(p) then, that was my greatest desire. I didnt want to be me.solely things werent perfect for her either. Like always, a number of issues were weighing her d bear. She felt yetton upso, so closeto unraveling who had killed Tatiana. The answer seemed in spite of appearance her grasp, if only she could reach just a little farther. The guardians had dragged Joe the janitor in, and after a sporting amount of coercionthey had methods that didnt require magical compulsionhed admitted to having seen the twisted-handed Moroi in my building on the night of the murder. No amount of pushing would run low Joe to admit he had been paid offby either the humankind or Daniella. The roughly hed admit was that he might have been a little off in his mea confident(predicate) that night. It was by no means hard evidence to save me.Lissa had Ambroses letter too, which had subtly threatened Tatiana. The author had opposed the age law for being soft, disapproved of Tatianas endorsement of spirit, and resented the secret preparedness sessions. The letter might have been perfectly polite, only when whoever penned it had had a serious grudge against the queen. That supported the political motive theories.Of course, there were still lots of personal motives for the murder too. The sordid mess with Ambrose, Blake, and the women involved pegged any of them as the murderer. Daniella Ivashkov being on that list was a constant point of stress for Lissa, and she dared not breathe a word to Adrian. The prudence grace there was that Daniellas bribery had been to get Adrian emerge of troublenot solidify my immorality. The unknown Moroi had funded that bribe. Surely, if she had killed Tatiana, Daniella would have paid for both of Joes lies.And of course, there was the last test press ing against Lissas mind. The riddle. The riddle that seemed to have so some(prenominal) answersand yet, none at all.What must a queen possess in order to sincerely yours detect her people? In some ways, it was much difficult than the other tests. Those had had a hands-on component, so to speak. This? This was her own intellect. No fire to build. No fear to look in the eye.She hated that she took the riddle so seriously too. She didnt ingest its stress, not with everything else going away on. Life would have been simpler if shed kept careing the trials simply as a con to buy us duration. The Court was continually swelling with those who had come to see the election, and to a great extent and more of themmuch to her disbeliefwere throwing their support behind her. She could hardly walk anywhere without people calling out to the highest degree the Dragon or Alexandra reborn. Word of her attack had gotten out too, which seemed to have fueled her supporters thus far off more. only, of course, Lissa still had plenty of opposition. The biggest human face against her was the same old legal one that she wouldnt be eligible for votes when the time came. Another mark against her was her age. She was too infantile, her opponents verbalise. Who would want a child on the throne? But Lissas admirers wouldnt hear any of it. They kept citing young Alexandras rule and the miracles Lissa had wrought with her ameliorate. Age was irrelevant. The Moroi unavoidable young blood, they cried. They also demanded the voting laws be changed.Unsurprisingly, her opponents also kept bringing up the fact that she was tied to a queen-killing murderer. Id have position process that would have been the biggest issue in her stubdidacy, and shed been so convincing nigh how Id shocked and betrayed her that many felt her being queen would sincerely cover the wrong Id committed. Shed used bits of compulsion whenever the topic came up, which also went a tenacious way in qual ification others think she was now completely dissociated from me.Im so tired of this, Lissa told Christian, suffer in her room. Shed sought come off there and was lying on her bed in his offsets. My mom was there, on guard. This queen thing was a horrible idea.Christian stroked her hair. Its not. Abe verbalize the election will be delayed because of the uproar. And no reckon how much you complain, I know youre proud you made it this far.It was true. The chalice test had cut the nominees in half. Only volt remained. Ariana Szelsky was one of them, as was Daniellas cousin, Rufus Tarus. Lissa was the third, with Marcus Lazar and Marie Conta rounding out the radical. Ronald Ozera hadnt made it through.My mother spoke up. Ive never seen anything wish well thisits incredible how much support youre get. The Council and other royals are under no obligations to change the law. But the mobs cheap and gaining the write out of commoners could benefit certain royals. Standing by your claim to run would certainly reflect well on a couple families that are out of favor. Whats holding them back is the thought that you might truly win. So theyll just keep arguing and arguing.Lissa stiffened. attractive thats not really possible, is it? Arianas got it sealed right? Winning had never been a part of this crazy plan, and now, with so few bottomlanddidates, the pressure was even greater to get Ariana on the throne. As far as Lissa was concerned, the other hobodidates showed no promise of improving Moroi life. Ariana had to win.Id say so, verbalise Janine. There was pride in her voice, seeing how close she was to the Szelsky family. Arianas brilliant and competent, and most people know it. Shed treat dhampirs fairlymore so than some of the other candidates. Shes already spoken active reversing the age law.The thought of worse laws oppressing the dhampirs made Lissas stomach sink. God, I hope she wins. We cant have anything else go wrong.A knock at the door snappe d my mom into full guardian mode until Lissa said, Its Adrian.Well, muttered Christian, at least his timings better than usual.Sure enough, my garbhorse entered, wreathed in his now usual scent of smoke and liquor. True, his vices were the least of my concerns, unless it kept bugging me that he needed me to be there in person to enforce his good behavior. It reminded me of when he said I was his strength. crush up, guys, he said. He looked very pleased with himself. Weve got a visit to pay. Lissa sit master up, bewilder. What are you talking most?I am not hanging out with Blake Lazar again, warned Christian.You and me both, said Adrian. Ive got individual better. And more attractive. cogitate how you were wondering how close Serena was to set aside? Well, looks the like you can ask her yourself. I found her. And yes, youre welcome.A glower crossed my mothers face. Last I heard, Serena had been sent away to teach at a school. One on the east coast, I think. After the Stri goi attack that had killed Grant and several others, the guardians had stubborn to pull Serena from active escort duty for a while. Shed been the only guardian to survive.She is, but since its summer, they brought her back to help with election crowd control. Shes works the front render.Lissa and Christian exchanged looks. We have to talk to her, said Lissa excitedly. She might have known who Grant was secretly teaching.That doesnt mean one of them killed Tatiana, warned my mother.Lissa nodded. No, but theres a connection, if Ambroses letter is right. Shes there now? At the gates?Yup, said Adrian. And we probably dont even need to buy her a drink.Then lets go. Lissa stood and reached for her shoes.Are you sure? asked Christian. You know whats waiting out there.Lissa hesitated. It was late at night for Moroi, but that didnt mean everyone was in bedespecially at the gates, which was always jam-packed with people lately. Clearing my name was too meaning(a), Lissa decided. Yeah. Let s do it.With my mother leading the way, my friends made their way to the Courts entrance. (The door that Abe had made had been patched up.) The Court was surrounded in high, multicolored stone walls that helped further the human go through that this was in truth an elite school. Wrought iron gates at the entrance stood open, but a group of guardians blocked the road leading into Court grounds. Normally, only two guardians would have manned the booth at the gate. The extra numbers were both for greater interrogation of cars and for crowd control. Spectators lined the roads sides, watching the arriving cars as though they were at a red carpet premiere. Janine knew a roundabout way that avoided some peoplebut not all.Dont cringe, Christian told Lissa as they passed a particularly vocal group, which had noticed her. Youre a queenly nominee. fare like it. You deserve this. Youre the last Dragomir. A daughter of royalty.Lissa gave him a brief, astonished look, surprised to hear the fie rceness in his voice and that he clearly believed his words. Straightening up, she turned toward her fans, smiling and waving back, which excited them that much more. compact this seriously, she reminded herself. Dont disgrace our history.In the end, getting through the crowd to the gate proved easier than getting time solely with Serena. The guardians were swamped and insisted on keeping Serena for screening, but my mom had a quick conversation with the guardian in charge. She reminded him of Lissas greatness and offered to stand in for Serena for a few minutes. Serena had long since healed from the Strigoi attack. She was my age, blond-haired and pretty. She was clearly surprised to see her agent charge. Princess, she said, maintaining formalities. How can I help you?Lissa pulled Serena away from the cluster of guardians speaking to the Moroi drivers lined up at the gate. You can call me Lissa. You know that. You taught me to stab pillows, after all.Serena gave her a miniature smile. Things have changed. You might be our neighboring queen.Lissa grimaced. Unlikely. Especially since I have no clue how to solve that riddle, she thought. But I do need your help. You and Grant spent a lot of time together did he ever mention provision Moroi for Tatiana? Like, secret combat sessions?Serenas face gave the answer away, and she averted her eye. Im not supposed to talk about that. He wasnt even supposed to tell me.Lissa gripped the young guardians arm in excitement, making Serena flinch. You have to tell me what you know. Anything. Who he was training how they felt about it who was successful. Anything.Serena paled. I cant, she whispered. It was done in secret. On the queens orders.My aunts dead, said Adrian bluntly. And you said yourself you might be talking to the future queen. This earned a glare from Lissa.Serena hesitated, then took a deep breath. I can pull together a list of names. I might not remember all of them, though. And I have no clue how well t hey were doingonly that a lot resented it. Grant felt like Tatiana had purposely picked those most unwilling.Lissa squeezed her hand. Thank you. Thank you so much.Serena still looked pained at giving up the secret information. They come first didnt always work when your loyalties were split. Ill have to get it to you later, though. They need me here.Serena returned to her post, bringing my mother back to Lissa. As for me, I returned to my own reality in the car, which had come to a stop. I blinked to clear my eyes and take in our surroundings. Another hotel. We should have had gold member status by now. Whats going on?Were stopping, said Dimitri. You need to rest.No, I dont. We need to keep going to Court. We need to get Jill there in time for the elections. Our sign goal in finding Jill had been to give Lissa voting power. It had since occurred to us that if Lissa political campaign was mucking up the elections, the surprise appearance of her sister would likely create just as mu ch flair and disbelief. A genetic test would clear up any doubts and give Lissa her voting power, but the initial confusion would buy us more of the time we so badly needed to find the murderer. In spite of the random evidence my friends kept turning up, they still had no substantial theories on a culprit.Dimitri gave me a dont lie to me look. You were just with Lissa. Are the elections actually happening yet?No, I admitted.Then youre getting some rest.Im fine, I snapped.But those fools wouldnt listen to me. Checking in was complicated because none of us had a computer address card, and it wasnt the hotels policy to take a cash deposit. Sonya compelled the desk clerk into thinking it was their policy, and before long, we had booked two neighboring rooms.Let me talk to her alone, Dimitri murmured to Sonya. I can handle it.Be careful, Sonya warned. Shes fragile.You guys, Im right here I exclaimed.Sonya took Jills arm and guided her into one of the rooms. Come on, lets order room se rvice.Dimitri opened the other door and looked at me expectantly. With a sigh, I followed and sat on the bed, my arms crossed. The room was a hundred times nicer than the one in West Virginia. Can we order room service?He pulled up a chair and sat opposite me, only a couple feet away. We need to talk about what happened with Victor.Theres vigor to talk about, I said bleakly. The dark feelings Id been shoving back during the drive suddenly fell upon me. They smothered me. I felt more claustrophobic than when Id been in the cell. Guilt was its own prison. I really am the murderer everyone says I am. It doesnt matter that it was Victor. I killed him in cold blood.That was hardly cold blood.The hell it wasnt I cried, feeling tears effluence to my eyes. The plan was to subdue him and Robert so we could free Jill. Subdue. Victor wasnt a threat to me. He was an old man, for Gods sake.He seemed like a threat, said Dimitri. His calmness was the counter to my growing hysteria, as usual. He was using his magic.I shook my head, burying my face in my hands. It wasnt going to kill me. He probably couldnt have even kept it up much longer. I could have waited it out or escaped. Hell, I did escape But instead of capturing him, I slammed him against a concrete wall He was no match for me. An old man. I killed an old man. Yeah, maybe he was a scheming, corrupt old man, but I didnt want him dead. I wanted him locked up again. I wanted him to spend the rest of his life in prison, living with his crimes. Living, Dimitri.It seemed extraneous that Id feel this way, considering how much I hated Victor. But it was true it hadnt been a fair fight. Id acted without thinking. My training had always been about defense and striking out against monsters. Honor had never really come up, but suddenly, it meant a lot to me. There was no honor in what I did to him.Sonya said it wasnt your fault. Dimitris voice was still gentle, which in some way made me feel worse. I wished hed chastise me, confirming the guilt I felt. I wanted him to be my critical instructor. She said it was a backlash of spirit.It was . I paused, recalling the haze of that fight as best I could. I never really understood what Lissa experienced in her worst moments until then. I just looked at Victor and I saw everything evil in the worldan evil I had to stop. He was bad, but he didnt deserve that. He never stood a chance. Honor, I kept thinking. What honor is there in that?You arent listening, Rose. It wasnt your fault. Spirits a powerful magic we barely understand. And its dark edge well, we know its capable of terrible things. Things that cant be controlled. I lifted my eyes to his. I should have been stronger than it. There it was. The thought behind all my guilt, all these horrible emotions. I should have been stronger than it. I was weak. Dimitris reassuring words didnt come so quickly. You arent invincible, he said at last. No one expects you to be.I do. What I did I swallowed. What I did w as unforgivable.His eyes widened in shock. That thats crazy, Rose. You cant retaliate yourself for something you had no power over.Yeah? Then wherefore are you stillI stopped because Id been about to accuse Dimitri of continuing to punish himself. Except he no longer was. Did he feel guilt for what hed done as a Strigoi? I was certain of it. Sonya had admitted as much. But somewhere in this journey, he had taken control of his life again, bit by bit. Shed told me that, but only now did I truly understand.When? I asked. When did it change? When did you realize you could keep living even after all that guilt?Im not sure. If the question surprised him, he hid it. His eyes were locked with mine, but they werent quite focused on me. The puzzle meshed him. In bits, really. When Lissa and Abe first came to me about breaking you out, I was ready to do it because she asked me to. Then, the more I thought about it, the more I realise it was personal too. I couldnt stand the thought of y ou locked in a cell, being cut off from the world. It wasnt right. No one should live like that, and it occurred to me that I was doing the sameby choice. I was cutting myself off from the world with guilt and self-punishment. I had a second chance to live, and I was throwing it away.I was still in turmoil, still raging and full of grief, but his story kept me placidity and transfixed. Hearing him pour his life out was a rare opportunity.You heard me talk about this before, he continued. About my goal to appreciate lifes little details. And the more we continued on our journey, the more I remembered who I was. Not just a fighter. Fighting is easy. Its wherefore we fight that matters, and in the alley that night with Donovan He shuddered. That was the moment I could have crossed over into someone who fights just to senselessly killbut you pulled me back, Rose. That was the turning point. You saved me just as Lissa saved me with the stake. I knew then that in order to transmit t he Strigoi part of me behind, I had to fight through to be what theyarent. I had to embrace what they reject beauty, love, honor.Right then, I was two people. One was overjoyed. Hearing him talk like that, realizing he was fighting his demons and close to victory well, I nearly wept with joy. It was what Id wanted for him for so long. At the same time, his inspiring words only reminded me how far Id fallen. My sadness and self-pity took over again.Then you should understand, I said bitterly. You just said it honor. It matters. We both know it does. Ive lost mine. I lost it out there in the parking lot when I killed an innocent.And Ive killed hundreds, he said flatly. nation much more innocent than Victor Dashkov.Its not the same You couldnt help it My feelings exploded to the surface again. why are we repeating the same things over and over? Because they arent sinking in You couldnt help it either. His patience was cracking. obtain fineable. Mourn this. But move on. Dont let it destroy you. Forgive yourself.I leapt to my feet, catching him by surprise. I leaned down, putting us face to face. Forgive myself? Thats what you want? You of all people?Words seemed to escape him. I think it had to do with my proximity. He managed a nod.Then tell me this. You say you moved past the guilt, decided to revel in life and all that. I get it. But have you, in your heart, really forgiven yourself? I told you a long time ago that I forgave you for everything in Siberia, but what about you? experience you done it?I just saidNo. Its not the same. Youre telling me to forgive myself and move on. But you wont do it yourself. Youre a hypocrite, comrade. Were either both guilty or both innocent. Pick.He rose as well, smell down at me from that lofty height. Its not that simple.I crossed my arms over my chest, refusing to be intimidated. It is that simple. Were the same Even Sonya says we are. Weve always been the same, and were both acting the same stupid way now. We hold our selves up to a higher standard than everyone else.Dimitri frowned. ISonya? What does she have to do with any of this?She said our auras match. She said we decrease up around each other. She says it means you still love me and that were in sync, and I sighed and turned away, meandering(a) across the room. I dont know. I shouldnt have mentioned it. We shouldnt buy into this aura stuff when it comes from magic users who are already half-insane.I reached the window and leaned my forehead against the cool glass, trying to decide what to do. Forgive myself. Could I? A small city sprawled before me, though Id lost track of where we were. Cars and people moved below, souls out living their lives. I took a deep breath. The image of Victor on the asphalt was going to stay with me for a long, long time. I had done something horrible, even if my intentions were good, but everyone was right I hadnt been myself. Did that change what had happened? Would that bring Victor back? No. And honestly, I didnt know how I would move past what Id done, how Id shake the bloody images in my head. I just knew I had to go on.If I let this stop me, I murmured, if I do nothing then thats the greater evil. Ill do more good by surviving. By continuing to fight and foster others.What are you saying? asked Dimitri.Im saying I forgive myself. That doesnt reach everything perfect, but its a start. My fingertip traced the line of a tiny crack in the glasss surface. Who knows? Maybe that outburst in the parking lot let out some of the darkness Sonya says is in my aura. Skeptic that I am, I have to give her some points. She was right that I was at a breaking point, that all I needed was a spark.She was right about something else too, Dimitri said after a long pause. My back was to him, but there was a strange whole step to his voice that made me turn around.Whats that? I asked.That I do still love you.With that one sentence, everything in the universe changed. Time slowed to one heartbeat. T he world became his eyes, his voice. This wasnt happening. It wasnt real. None of it could be real. It felt like a spirit dream. I resisted the urge to close my eyes and see if Id wake up moments later. No. No matter how unbelievable it all seemed, this was no dream. This was real. This was life. This was flesh and blood.Since since when? I finally managed to ask.Since forever. His tone implied the answer was obvious. I denied it when I was restored. I had no room for anything in my heart except guilt. I especially felt guilty about youwhat Id doneand I pushed you away. I put up a wall to keep you safe. It worked for a whileuntil my heart finally started accepting other emotions. And it all came back. Everything I felt for you. It had never left over(p) it was just hidden from me until I was ready. And again that alley was the turning point. I looked at you saw your goodness, your hope, and your faith. Those are what make you beautiful. So, so beautiful.So it wasnt my hair, I s aid, unsure how I was even capable of making a joke at a time like this.No, he said gently. Your hair was beautiful too. all(a) of you. You were astounding when we first met, and somehow, inexplicably, youve come even farther. Youve always been pure, raw energy, and now you control it. Youre the most amazing woman Ive ever met, and Im delightful to have had that love for you in my life. I regret losing it. He grew pensive. I would give anythinganythingin the world to go back and change history. To run into your arms after Lissa brought me back. To have a life with you. Its too late, of course, but Ive accepted it.Why why is it too late?Dimitris eyes grew sad. Because of Adrian. Because youve moved on. No, listen, he said, cutting off my protests. You were right to do that after how I treated you. And more than anything else, I want you to be happy once we clear your name and get Jill recognized. You said yourself that Adrian makes you happy. You said you love him.But you just sa id you love me. That you want to be with me. My words seemed clumsy, unworthy of his eloquence.And I told you Im not going to pursue another mans girlfriend. You want to talk honor? There it is in its purest form.I walked toward him, each step ramping up the tension around us. Dimitri kept saying the alley was his turning point. For me? It was now. I stood on the precipice of something that would change my life. For the last week, Id done a very good job of detaching myself from anything romantic with Dimitri. And yet had I? What was love, really? Flowers, chocolate, and poetry? Or was it something else? Was it being able to finish someones jokes? Was it having absolute faith that someone was there at your back? Was it knowing someone so well that they instantly understood why you did the things you didand shared those same beliefs?All week, Id claimed my love for Dimitri was fading. In reality, it had been growing more and more. I hadnt even realized it was happening. I had been r e-establishing our old rapport, strengthening the connection. Reaffirming that of all the people in the worldeven LissaDimitri was the only one who truly gotme. Id meant it I loved Adrian. It was hard to imagine life without him, but my other words at the Mastranos had betrayed me I have fun with him. Now, you should have fun with the one you love, but that shouldnt have been what first came to mind. I should have said, We strengthen each other. Or, He makes me want to be a better person. Perhaps most importantly He understands me perfectly.But none of that was true, so I hadnt said those things. Id sought Adrian for comfort. His familiarity and humor were an important part of my world. And if he was in danger? Id throw my life before his, just as I would for Lissa. Yet, I didnt inspire him, not really. He was trying. He did want to be a better person, but at this moment in his life, his motivations were more about impressing othersabout impressing me. It wasnt for himself. That did nt make him bad or weak, but it made me his crutch. He would get past that, I was certain. He would eventually come into his own and be an amazing man, but he wasnt at that point of self-discovery yet. I was.I stood in front of Dimitri now, looking into those dark eyes again, the eyes I loved so much. I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating strong and steadyand maybe a bit faster than normal. rage spread through my fingertips. He reached up and caught hold of my wrists but didnt push me away. The lines of that gorgeous face looked combative as he fought some inner conflict, but now that I knewnow that I knew for sureI could see his love for me. Love mingled with desire. It was so, so obvious.You should have told me, I said. You should have told me this a long time ago. I love you. Ive never stopped loving you. You have to know that.His breath caught when I said I love you, and I could see his internal struggle for control become an complete war. It wouldnt have made any difference. Not with Adrian involved, he said. The fingers around my hand tightened slightly as though he really might push me away this time. He didnt. I mean it. I wont be that guy, Rose. I wont be that man who takes someone elses woman. Now, please. Let go. Dont make this any more difficult.I treat the request. If hed wanted to get away from me, he could have. I splayed my fingers, touching more of his chest, drinking in the feel of that warm contact Id missed for so long.I dont belong to him, I said in a low voice, pushing close to Dimitri and tilting my head back so that I could see his face clearly. So much emotion, so much conflict as his heart tried to decide right from wrong. world pressed against him felt like completion. Sonya had said no couple could share one aura or one soul, but ours werent meant to be apart. They fit together like a puzzle, two individuals making something greater than themselves. I dont belong to anyone. I make my own choices.And youre w ith Adrian, said Dimitri.But I was meant for you.And that did it. Any hypocrisy of control or reason either of us possessed melted away. The walls crumbled, and everything wed been holding back from each other came rushing out. I reached up, pulling us together for a coddlea kiss he didnt let go this time. A kiss I didnt end by punching him. His arms shape me as he lifted me onto the bed, one hand soon sliding along my hip and down to my leg, already half-bare, thanks to that poor tattered dress. Every nerve in my body lit up, and I felt that desire returned in himand then some. After a world of death, he seemed to appreciate love more. Not only that, he needed it. He needed life. He needed menot just physically, but in the same way my heart and soul always cried out for him. What we did then, as our clothes came off and we brought our bodies together became more than just lusteven though there was plenty of that too. existence with him after so long, after everything wed endured it was like coming home. Like finally being wherewith whomI belonged. My world, my heart theyd shattered when I lost him. But as he looked at me, as his lips spoke my name and ran along my skin I knew those pieces could come back together. And I knew, with absolute certainty, that waiting for thisfor my second time having sexhad been the right thing to do. Anyone else, any other time it would have been wrong.When we finished, it was like we still couldnt get close enough. We held each other tightly, our limbs entwined, as though maybe closing the distance now would make up for the distance that had been between us for so long.I closed my eyes, my senses flooded with him, and sighed dreamily. Im glad you gave in. Im glad your abstinence isnt as strong as mine.This made him laugh, and I felt it rumble through his chest. Roza, my self-control is ten times stronger than yours.I opened my eyes, shifting to look into his. I brushed his hair back and smiled, certain my heart would ex pand and expand until there was nothing left of me. Oh yeah? Thats not the outcome I just got.Wait until abutting time, he warned. Ill do things thatll make you lose control within seconds.That comment was just asking for a witty Rose Hathaway quip. It also made my blood burn, which was why we were both surprised when I abruptly said, There may not be a next time.Dimitris hand, tracing the shape of my shoulder, froze. What? Why?We have a couple of things to do before this happens again.Adrian, he guessed.I nodded. And thats my problem, so put your honor-able thoughts aside. I have to face him and answer for this. I will. And you I couldnt believe what I was about to say. I couldnt believe I meant it. You still have to forgive yourself if were going to be together.His puzzled expression turned to pain. RoseIm serious. I met his eyes unflinchingly. You have to forgive yourself. For real. Everyone else has. If you cant, then you cant go on either. We cant.It was one of the biggest g ambles of my life. Once, I would have run to him without question, ignoring our problems, overjoyed just to be with him. Now after everything Id been through, Id changed. I loved him. I loved him so much, and I wanted him. But it was because of the strength of that love that I had to do this. If were going to be together, we had to do it the right way. Sex had been amazing, but it wasnt a magical be cured _or_ healed for everything. Damn. Somewhere along the way, Id picked up common sense. I still intended to confront Adrian. And if Dimitri wouldnt do what I asked, I really would walk away. Id lose both men, but it was better to be alone with my presumption than be in the wrong relationship.I dont know, Dimitri said at last. I dont know if I can if Im ready.Decide soon then, I said. You dont have to right this second, but eventually I didnt push the topic after that. For now, I would let it go, though I knew he would hold onto it and grasp its importance. I knew I was right to s tand by it too. He couldnt be happy with me if he wasnt happy with himself. It occurred to me then, as I stood up for myself and what I needed, that our old teacher-student roles were gone forever. Now we really were equals.I rested my head on his chest and felt him relax. Wed bask in this moment, if only for a little longer. Sonya had said we needed rest, making me think we still had some time here before the ticking clock drove us back to Court. As Dimitri and I continued to keep close to one another, I found myself actually wanting to sleep. I was exhausted from the fightwhich, I realized, had taken a very unexpected turn. My guilt and despair over Victor and the explosion of spirit had taken their toll too, no matter the healing locket still around my neck. And yes, I thought with a small smile, I was simply exhausted from what Dimitri and I had just done. It was kind of nice to use my body for something that didnt result in serious injury for a change.I fell asleep in his embra ce, blackness wrapping around me as warmly as his arms. It should have been that simple. It should have been peaceful, happy rest. But as usual, I wasnt that lucky.A spirit dream pulled me from the envelop depths of sleep, and for half a second, I thought maybe Robert Doru had come for me to take revenge for his brothers death.But, no. No vindictive Dashkov. Instead, I found myself staring into a pair of emerald- green eyes.Adrian.